When will my reflections show who I am inside…

March 15, 2017

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgWiMm_Nffc

I posted my Instagram feed on my website today wow, so many milestone and breakthroughs, me raising my technical ability’s, being able to follow though and release all of the energetic and programed blocks that had held me back for soooo long in my life and journey. I was excited about what I created on Instagram, so why did I feel embarrassed? Why was I questioning what I had been so proud of only yesterday? My thoughts were… My Instagram page was messy unorganized… I should have been like my business coach and mentor’s Lashanda Henry’s Instagram page @sistasense Why didn’t I ask her to help me or to tell me what to do? I posted videos and pictures and I stumbled to find figure out what I was doing behind the closed doors of Instagram because I felt safe. Why did I have to put  the Instagram feed up on my website? I worried now people are going to see ME not my business and not want to work with me… When the emotions of inadequacy in a way I never knew and I felt inadequate awkward in many areas of my life these were emotion I knew all to well started to reveal themselves to me differently and they felt foreign and loud and I recognize them as deeply imbedded programing that has started to surface. (or so I thought more on that later) What was I thinking… but wait, I was so proud of everything, every new post, the technology breakthroughs, the people following me, finding and connecting with what I think could be my tribe. I even created an amazing backdrop for my videos that was unique and really extraordinary. Using my ingenuity, the thing love and on a budget! It is was stylish and elegant and it even has mini crystal rainbows. I even had the foresight to take pictures of what I was doing so I could put together a how to. I was flying high, but when I posted the Instagram link on my ARLTA by the way a technical miracle in itself for anyone who knows me from a year ago knows the fear I had of technology and social media not to mention the blocks… HUGE the changes all around. So…why did I all of the sudden switch gears so abruptly after posting this feed on my website. It was because when I looked at it on my site I saw ME and I what I saw made me afraid of people seeing who I was in those moment on Instagram that I had posted. Why because Instagram was the first place felt accepted and I felt like I could share this new spiritual being I had become. A Person that for the past five years and lifetime I have kept to myself because there were only 2 other people I had meet like me. The everyday people around me were overwhelmed by me or made me out to be crazy and dramatic in a attempts to control, disarm, and dismiss me like they had done all my life because if what I was saying or what I represented was true what did it all mean and even though now I know it was programing and not personal bottom line It hurt… and I was lonely. I have since released those programs but at the time I felt like no one in the world could understand me and I was trying to save the world alone… Heavy huh… Then I found Instagram and there was other unicorns, light workers, indigos, star seeds, people who talk to angels, warriors, energy workers, those that can see and hear things … I did not want to lose that, not now when I finally found them. What did I do… Why couldn’t I just get this right?

“It’s not just me feeling this way… is it?”

Look at me I will never pass for a perfect …. Or a perfect daughter (you can insert mother, sister, son, father, brother, human being, spiritual being) can it be I’m not meant to play this part… Now I see If I were to truly to be myself… I would break my family’s heart…

I had moments of feeling, I guess insecure about how I looked lately because I have looked tired and warn. I felt ashamed when I started dressing again after releasing the weight of emotion and my false body because I was programed to be ashamed of my beauty and emotions. I was really naïve that everyone did not feel like I did or love like I loved. I would be in physical pain if I hurt someone even if they hurt me. It just escaped me that people did not love first ask questions later. I put others above me and my own needs and this was reflected in how I saw myself and how the world saw me lately. I was not afraid of making a video or taking a picture. I was afraid of allowing people to see who I was and what had happened to me when I was around low energies and people who were just not active in their path or awake, knowing everything I know how I still ended up here? How? I have been self-compassionate, understanding and self-merciful because I have been thought some very deep things, but still this is uncharted territory all my life I have tried to hide my beauty gifts and light to make others comfortable. If I was kind enough they would be kind too.  I experienced bulling and shaming and I was made to feel like a outcast. I did not realize that I was going to be a target until I started speaking and living my truth no matter what because that was the ma-trix. This separation was embedded in my family (entities).. I know now that it was entities and programing that caused this but it did not make it any easier.

Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me, why is my reflection someone I don’t know? Somehow, I cannot hide who I am though I’ve tried… When will my refection show who I am inside….

I did not know five years ago that beauty is the work you have done on your soul and that the false body we have is to cover and hide that beauty or is a reflection our core being open, of the damage to our energy body, aura, chakra system or pain our soul or inner child is in. Deep hun… I also know that that false body and can be easily released when and if we chose and are ready to not let our pain and discomfort be our identity anymore.

I did not know  that as I start to show myself in social media  the feeling of inadequacy would keep getting louder and then today when I posted a picture of myself on Instagram a “selfie” which I do not do, I felt ashamed because to me everything associated with the word “selfie” had no substance or purpose but to show off nothing worth showing off… (programing) The photo that trigger it all was one I took of myself under a chandler with a light over my head it was beautiful the article underneath it was about how much I Divinely Love myself which I am great at. (here’s the more on that later, pay close attention, tell me if this resonates with you) Were the thoughts not my own…. As I write this I realize it was the whispering entities that we all have around us (not fiction fact) now that I am writing this I realized that that is exactly what it was. A week spot a chink in my armor… I keep hearing the song in my head from “Mulan” who is that girl I see staring straight back at me when will my reflection show who I am inside…

I know that it does not take much for me to look good but lately this journey, up until two weeks ago felt isolated, lonely, heavy on me (programing) and it shown in my reflection. My light inside is bright and shiny but my outside right now does not reflect this. I feel like I want to cry… In this moment I know that my Angels, and Spirt Guides are holding my hands. What I have learned about beauty I will teach you, if your open to learning but in this moment, I feel venerable about showing myself to the world, I Will (free will) I forgive myself now. I will allow this glammor, illusion and false body to inspire me to shine my light even brighter so my inside is reflected on the outside. I will focus on balance in every area of my life, not just my work, life purpose or soul mission. I will replace my discomfort with support and solutions. I will allow my variability to be shown because that is beauty in its purest form, venerability it is power when used to uplift and this experience is another chance for me to share my message and light with the world.

When will my reflections show who I am inside…

I think it just did…

2 Comments

  1. Reply
    Vladimir

    YES SISTA! This is something i love most about you, although you so beautiful (mind body and soul) and such a powerhouse of an earth angel you are not without flaws and are not afraid to admit them, this truely is impowering and it motivates me to embrace who i am and not be embarrassed about who i am or my flaws. Our mortal vessels are just that vessels, a vehicle that houses something more important, our souls and when displaying that vessel we are simply reponding to our spirits desire to represented! Stay blessed and i cant wait to see more of your energy and your work in what ever form it may manifest

    1. Reply
      Lynette Crosby

      Hi Vladimir,
      You are amazing thank you for the energy of your love and support . It feels great that it spoke to you, you responded and you engaged in the conversation and I appreciate and value you. Thank you for the inspiration.
      Welcome Home Vladimir.

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